What is it, exactly, that I do here?

What better way to spend vacation than to start a new project.

I suppose the whole reason I am doing this is that I really just want to figure out what it is, exactly, that I do here. This is really a life quest of mine and has been for quite some time. Just when I think I have an answer to the question, the context in which I originally asked the question seems to shift on me. Recently I have been studying through the Gospel according to Matthew with our Thursday night Bible Study here in Merrill. We came across a passage in the 17th chapter that completely rattled my cage (Mt 17:13-16):

"Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, 'Who do people say that the Son of Man is?' And they said, 'Some say John the Baptist, but others Elijah, and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.' He said to them, 'But who do you say that I am?' Simon Peter answered, 'You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.' "

Jesus goes on to tell Peter that this revelation came to him from God and was not his own making (something with which I resonate deeply as a Reformed Christian). But that is not what hit me that day or this day. As I have continued to roll this verse around in my head I just cannot get beyond the direct way Jesus asks his questions.

Jesus asked all the disciples who other people said he was and they gave a variety of answers, a variety of speculation, a variety of guesses. Then, however, Jesus asked them the more important question, "But who do YOU say that I AM?" (emphasis mine). I suppose as I wonder about what it is a boy from South King County is doing in a small farming town in southern Oregon I have to come back to that question, oddly enough, over and over again. Jesus did not ask the disciples to recount his miracles or to go into a theological diatribe about the hypostatic union. Jesus simply wanted the disciples to tell him their beliefs, their ideas about him, their witness to him. In short, Jesus asked his disciples to confess their faith.

As I think about the important questions facing us all, I am struck by the beautiful simplicity of Jesus' question. That simple question of identity seeps into all of us and seeks to transform us, changing the way we see the world, the way we see each other, and much more importantly, our very identity. Jesus Christ permeates my very being, all that I am and all that I say, do, feel, and think. When I make decisions, when I say anything, when I perform any action, I am answering Jesus' question to his disciples. Now I am sure my answer is rarely if ever as eloquent as Peter's reply, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." Usually it is probably something like, "Well, I have some really great books on Christian doctrine that use all sorts of fancy words, but clearly from my actions, though I can go on at length about these ideas, I am still not sure exactly who you are. I do know one thing, and it is the one thing I know, You, O Christ, are my Lord, my Savior, my life, though I often do a rotten job of being a witness to that truth."

So what is it, exactly, that I do here? I really do not know. Being a pastor is a strange occupation, but it is the call of God on my life. I really only know that through this all I am seeking to answer with my life that question of Jesus: "But who do you say that I AM?"