Small Town Pastor Life

I have been a small town pastor for about a year and a half now. While I am no expert, I have learned three main things about being a small town pastor during my time here so far:
1. "People do not care how much you know until they know you care." A fellow pastor who has been in this business for over 50 years told me that as I was preparing to begin my ministry at MPC. I know it was not original to him, but it was the first time I heard it. Over the last months I have learned that it is very true. People need to know their minister cares. They need to know their minister has a deep and abiding relationship with God, a rich commitment to Jesus Christ and empowering love of the Holy Spirit. People also need to see that care carry over to them. While I am nowhere near perfect at doing this, I am learning how to be a better minister.
2. "If you want something done right, get help." This is a recent lesson I am learning. If I try to do everything myself (in the vain attempt to be sure it is done well) then I cannot wonder why no one is willing to help. People like to be involved (and even better they love to be invited). While I am nowhere near perfect at recognizing people's gifts and talents, I am learning to ask for help.
3. "No program in the world can substitute for the presence of the Living God." In our Wednesday and Sunday morning Bible Studies we are looking at Old Testament prophets. I am struck how God time and time again rejects empty worship gesture, asking instead for genuine affection and obedience. The lesson I am learning is that programs are far easier to administer than ministering in the presence of the Living God. The challenge is I am called to the latter, and never the former.

Those are just a few things God is helping me to learn. What is God teaching you?

I am not good at relaxing

Jesus said, "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). Despite Jesus clear instructions and invitation, I find it hard to relax. At times I feel like relaxing is somehow a waste of time (which, by the way, I am pretty good at doing). I feel guilty that there is something I should be doing, someone I should be visiting, somewhere I should be.
Perhaps, despite my faith, I have trouble believing Jesus meant what he said. "Deny [yourself], pick up [your] cross and follow me," (Mt. 16:24) you betcha. "I will give you rest for your souls," um, well that just sounds too good to be true.
What is certain is that Jesus worked and rested throughout his ministry. He made time to be with the people, but also to find a quiet place for himself. Jesus went to weddings and feasts and never once seemed to think any of these things was a waste of time, was time he could have spent doing something else more productive.
I know I am a better pastor when I take my days off, but sometimes that is hard to believe. To try to convince myself of this I went on a retreat last October where they drilled it into my head that Sabbath-keeping was time well-spent. I even made a rule of life with sabbath-keeping (read resting) activities featured prominently. Despite all of that, I still feel, well, guilty about taking time off.
I think I need help and I am convinced only Jesus can provide that help. If only I could get over my unbelief.

A Few Easy Resolutions to Build Up Your Faith

Every year I make new year's resolutions and every year I fall short. I am sure that this year will be no different.
That being said, I have found two easy resolutions that all of us can keep because all it involves is listening for about a half hour a day.
First, I am walking through the Bible in one year with the Daily Audio Bible (www.dailyaudiobible.com). Brian, the host, chooses a new English version each week and then reads through a daily selection. Each day's podcast is about 20 minutes. At the end of the reading Brian gives a short reflection and a few prayer requests. I know very little about him and his ministry, but his podcast ministry has been a blessing to me since about July last year and I look forward to this full year.
Second, I am also joining with the good folks of Princeton Theological Seminary (go Fighting Clergy) to listen through Calvin's Institutes throughout the year. A daily reading is about 10 minutes and has already given me much to think about as I listen instead of read. Details can be found at www2.ptsem.edu/ConEd/Calvin/.
I have also decided to listen to these two daily podcasts while exercising (we'll see how that goes).
I hope and trust that God will use these disciplines to teach and guide me as a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Cutting Teeth

My daughter is cutting teeth.
I know that many parents have survived teething, but I am currently doubting whether I will survive with my sanity intact. Okay, that is a bit melodramatic, but my once reliably happy, cheerful, giggly girl has all of the sudden become cranky, irritable and mournful. I can only imagine the amount of pain she must be feeling and her frustration with her inability to communicate with her parents what is wrong.
Sometimes, I guess I can sympathize with Marian's teething. There are times when I feel hurt or sad or angry and I do not know just quite how to tell my Father in heaven. I had such an occurrence this last week. I heard horrible news and I cried out in anguish not quite sure how to express myself to God. I am thankful that in that time as in all times, the Holy Spirit was present with me in my weakness to carry to God what I could not in words. "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." (Romans 8:26-27, NRSV).
Prayer is powerful. More powerful than we can even imagine. Throughout my time in ministry I have witnessed many answers to prayer that seem absolutely miraculous. I have also been party to a quite a few times when our prayers seem to have gone unanswered. In all of those times, however, it was very powerful to know that the Creator of the Universe was listening to me and somehow that in itself is deeply comforting.
In this life as I cut my teeth of faith, I am thankful that God understands me even if I cannot express how I feel.

Keeping the Home Fire Burning

This last week I was quite the traveler. I left last Monday and drove the family up to Little River Christian Camp for a few nights. While the family planned out hikes and activities, I, for my part, planned a few days of soaking in the Scriptures and praying for guidance. It was nice to be away from the usual environment and the usual busyness of being a solo pastor. It was joy to be surrounded by the glories of God's creation (even if that included continuous rain keeping the whole family in the cabin unexpectedly).
Further, my stay at the camp including me keeping a fire burning to keep me and my family warm. It has been a long time since I had to tend a fire, perhaps as long ago as my honeymoon and I took to the task with relish and, dare I say it, reverence. There is just something about tending a fire that fits with my personality. Once the fire is burning, it only takes occasional maintenance to maintain the burn. As I like a distraction every hour or two, it was the perfect activity for my retreat. The only time it posed challenging was at night because I would have to stoke up the fire and then pray I woke up a time or two throughout the night to keep the fire burning and, consequently, the cabin warm. So for three days last week I became the Keeper of the Flame.
My week ended with a trip to the meeting of the Presbytery of the Cascades. The meeting was largely uneventful, except for the dismissal of two congregations to the Evangelical Presbyterian Church. As I listened and thought and prayed during the discussion leading up to the dismissal I wondered what I was doing in the Presbyterian Church (USA). I understand my call as a minister and the obligation and commitment I feel to proclaim God's Word in word and deed. I feel the fire burning in my bones that the prophet Jeremiah comments on in Jeremiah 20:9:
"If I say, 'I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,' then within me there is something like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot."
Later, Jeremiah received an oracle that describes the nature of that burning fire in the bones when God asks, "Is not my word like fire, says the Lord, and like a hammer that breaks rock in pieces?" (Jeremiah 23:29). I know that God's Word in my life is a burning fire, a fire that needs to be tended so that it will keep me warm and snug all my life.
Perhaps that is why I feel a commitment to the Presbyterian Church (USA). My commitment to my denomination is similar to commitment to my family. I long to keep my brothers and sisters in the denomination warm even as I longed to keep my family warm in our little cabin this last week. Perhaps I am being paternalistic or even simplistic, but I view my ministry as an opportunity to warm others by the fire of God's Word.

Tired, so tired

If at no other place in the Gospel, I know that Jesus gets me when he said, "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 NRSV).
Now as a pastor rest is not something that I do well. I am a victim of my own ego, which leads me to believe that the congregation I serve cannot function without me. While I do make a valuable contribution to the congregation, I know (or at least I should) that the congregation can not only function but do just fine without me.
This leads to the question: If the congregation can function without me, why do I work as if I am essential? Why do I not take time off to recharge?
Jesus valued rest. He consistently made time to pray and rest; indeed the quotation above is in the context of a prayer. If Jesus valued rest and modeled it himself, why do I consistently overwork myself?
I recently attended a Spiritual Friends retreat sponsored by Asbury Seminary (nice folks). The whole point of the retreat was to give me time to ask and answer those questions about rest. I am deeply thankful for that time and the rest I received sitting on the beach in Florida. What a joy to rest in the Lord.
I am glad I have had the opportunity to ask these questions and to face the reality that it is Jesus' church and I am just serving him through my work AND my rest.

Coincidence

Last Thursday I had a good conversation with a friend of mine, Andrew, who is a pastor. We discussed an issue in his church and I was more than impressed (as usual) with the faithfulness and wisdom of my friend. As our conversation was drawing to a close we, without good reason, we began to talk about being confronted with issues and people we find challenging. We talked about this in the context of our congregations, wondering what our congregations would do if confronted with people that were radically different from themselves. As we were signing off, I encouraged Andrew with Mordecai's words from the book of Esther, "And who knows but that you have [been placed here] for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14b). We then said our good-byes.
After I hung up the phone I took a trip to the local hardware store to pick up some light bulbs (and the latest small town news). As I was chatting with the hardware store folks I received a cryptic phone call from the Church Administrator saying, "You have a visitor waiting outside for you." I said good-bye and walked back to the church quickly wondering what appointment I had forgotten that morning.
As I walked into my office the Administrator greeted me, then walked past me to open the exterior door and invite a man into my office. The man refused to enter, but motioned for me to come outside. I went outside and quickly realized that 1. this man had not had a shower in probably a week; 2. he carried his possessions in a black garbage bag; and 3. he needed help in many ways. My immediate reaction was to withdraw and grow defensive and send the man away, but thankfully I dismissed that attitude and instead listened to the man (here I must thank the good folks in the chaplain's office of Trenton Psychiatric Hospital who trained and taught me to be a good listener).
The man was scattered in his conversation, but was emphatic that he was only looking for work today to get something to eat and a place to stay. We discussed the kind of work he was looking for (landscaping) and the current needs of the church grounds (weeding), set a wage and went to work. He worked hard and the church looked great. For my part, I talked with the man about his relationship with Jesus Christ and the deep burning questions he was rolling around in his heart and head (though I cannot say I helped to answer any of these questions, we did have a good talk).
As the afternoon wore on I asked the man where he was headed. "South," he said. I explained to him that if he headed south he was walking into the desert and he would surely die. He said, "Well, you know, I have faith and the Lord will take care of me." I replied to him, "Maybe my voice of reason is not a coincidence and the Lord put me here to stop your going out into the desert." He thought about these words and finally agreed that, in principle, it was possible.
As our relationship built over the afternoon, the man began to trust me. So when I suggested that I drive him up to the Gospel Mission in Klamath Falls he reluctantly agreed that perhaps he did need help. As we approached the Mission, however, the man resisted the idea again, even though I assured him that I would go with him and help him. Instead, he asked to be dropped off at a local park and said, "I just want to make my own way." I prayed with him and strongly encouraged him to accept the offer of help that was before him (which he politely refused). He left with a few dollars and some food.
Now I am not convinced that there is no such thing as a coincidence, but last Thursday was a day that showed me the Lord can move in truly mysterious ways. Did I do the right thing, the godly thing, the Christian thing? I don't know. I do know that I did not spend the time I had alloted on my sermon preparation and the service Sunday ran a bit too long as a result. I do know that I do not regret entering into relationship (however brief) with the man. I do know that perhaps, just perhaps, God placed me here last Thursday for such a time as that.